Quarter Life Crisis - The dreaded stage in the life of a Young Adult

“If you're not confused, you're not paying attention.”

Here you are, approaching your mid-20s - the best time of your life, at least that's what everyone says. Your 'I am independent' claim now has the legal stamp of economics; the college campus lingers in nostalgia; 'work hard, party harder' is the new mantra.

You were always excited to grow up, and become like your Dad or your favourite Uncle. You had always wanted your own apartment, your own personal vehicle, and a wallet full of currency notes. Young , single, with money to blow and your whole life ahead of you. That's the terrific twenties when one can go from gym to party to the boardroom. Acne and awkwardness is left behind and there's a promise of great things to come.

But the euphoria seems to evaporate sooner than expected.

The adrenaline rush leaves a hangover that seems impossible to shake off. Disillusionment looms large with a million-dollar question: What next?

Dont worry. You are not alone. There are millions out there with the same questions in their minds, the same confusion, the same doubts and insecurities.

This is called the Quarter Life Crisis.

Anxiety, confusion, loneliness and self-doubt (especially after the excitement around graduation fades) are telltale symptoms and they are showing up everywhere: in the short lifespan of relationships, the frequency with which jobs are changed and the number of youngsters seeking solace in spirituality.

The transition from college to the real world sets the stage for the quarter-life crisis, hitting those in their early and mid-20s. Work, independence, new responsibilities, relationships hankering for "long-term commitment" and "meaningful" layers, all add to an anxiety not known until now. College life prepares you from the academic perspective, but the real world initiates you into what's needed to succeed. The tact to deal with bosses, the maturity to handle competition and the diplomacy to deal with irritating colleagues is all new.

This is the stage when you figure out the multiple ifs and buts in life, discover that you are not cut out for your job, leading to disillusionment. Many believe that the urge to compare (courtesy our rank driven education system) makes things worse.

The crisis crops up when there are no clear answers to the questions 'Who am I, what do I want and how do I get it'? Not knowing the answers to those questions leads to feelings of panic, confusion, or lack of motivation. It is a crossroads in life, a time when the real world hits and you feel like you are faced with decisions that you do not know how to make.

Despite well-paying jobs, good positions in MNCs and a luxurious lifestyle, 20-somethings are today looking for a more "meaningful" existence. The midlife crisis, it seems, has advanced courtesy the uncertainty that comes along with these high-paying jobs. Young adults have achieved "too much, too fast'' and are left with little time for themselves. They are young but have almost everything their parents had achieved when they had retired. But now they feel like they have met a dead-end. They want to do something 'different'.

Sometimes its the availability of too many options confuses young adults. After all in a world of too many choices – when even choosing a mobile ring tone is a difficult decision – working out what you want can be tough. It is becoming increasingly common for young people to make drastic career switches. The problem is expectations. They get disappointed easily as everybody wants more. Even a fat pay cheque can't keep youngsters contented today. They want more.

The 20s bring with them a 'nervous self-awareness'. Youngsters now indulge in a lot of self-questioning, which isn’t philosophical like ‘What’s my purpose in life’, but, ‘Oh god, are my friends going to do better in life than me?’ They choose careers depending on who pays more, and end up paying with their peace of mind.

At a call centre you will find many a disillusioned 23-year-old. The fallout of using different names at work, putting on foreign accents leads to an identity crisis. This identity crisis leads them to seek solace on online social networks where no one knows the true individual. Even the timidest of them all has more than three hundred online friends. But how many of them are actually 'friends'?

While some unburden themselves online, others take recourse to spirituality though quite a few change gurus as frequently as they do clothes. Many of the youngsters even sign up for spiritual sessions At these spiritual programs more than 70 per cent of participants will be aged between 25 and 35.'' Hardly only 10 per cent will be above 50.

As you approach your mid-20s, you experience the pressure to settle down. The girl's parents start looking for prospective partners. You haven't achieved much in life, but the pressure has already begun. It's like sitting on a time bomb. Men, on the other hand, complain of pressure to reach financial stability, like an unspoken deadline to be dealt with.

While most 20-somethings are serial daters, they are just as lonely despite changing partners. They often find themselves depressed and lonely because there is just no one who really 'understands' them.

Depression is fast becoming common among young adults. By the age of 32, most people have exhausted their goals and there is a need to redefine what they want to achieve. Emphasis has to been on quality of life. In this race, the youth have forgotten the concept of spending time with family. Young people complain of chronic fatigue and question the purpose of life. They are emotionally weak and need constant reassurance.

A quarterlife crisis though is not the end of the world. Regular counselling which increases self-worth can help people to look at their achievements and feel good about themselves rather than comparing themselves with others. A quarter life crisis is something to walk through with patience and compassion.

Instead of wallowing in self-pity or aimlessly switching jobs, quarterlifers can reinvent themselves, and try out new things, look to fulfill their dreams. Absence of short-term goals deepens anxiety. Because we start out at the bottom, everything seems far away for us. Break the long journey with short-term milestones. It could be acquiring skills, experience, even money. Keep the goals realistic. Seeing us achieve them will raise our confidence. Just don't let anyone else set milestones for you.

Instead of sulking over the 'fresher status', let's make it our strength. The younger we are, the lesser we have to lose - switch careers, try other departments or acquire new skills.


However, one shouldn't  go ad-hoc. Follow your heart, but let your brain structure the approach. Avoid stumbling in and out of jobs in rapid succession. It looks bad on the CV. But if you really hate the job, consider a sabbatical or work on a voluntary project. Or else you should have the guts to call it quits. Just don't go about complaining about your job each and every day. You will slowly learn to love your job. Just like others have.

There's no clause that says you must take a job that seconds your degree. Look for change. Same goes for relationships. An important lesson of adulthood: Plans fail. Move to plan B!

Let's try not to measure how successful we are by what our friends are earning. Let's set our own personal benchmarks for success. 


And if you haven't met the man or woman of your dreams, what's the big hurry?

If you are still unhappy, remember, we probably have more than 30 years to sort it out. And worrying will give you wrinkle lines!

All the very Best !  :)